Cultures decline for a number of reasons, and among the more
important of those are the loss of cohesiveness, of connection to others in the
culture, and of shared values. The more separation and fragmentation that
occurs, the more the culture starts to socially, politically and economically unravel.
Eventually it disintegrates or, like Europe, gradually drizzles away its mojo.
Fragmentation occurs in a culture, just as it does in a marriage, when people
have the view that whatever they want is what they are entitled to, and will
get come hell or high water, no matter the adverse impact on others---a setting
in which impulse control is considered not just useless, but outright stupid.
Both reflecting and causing the US's decline is the loss of two
great words and the behavior attendant to them: Shock and Shame. Many important
words have been lost or intentionally denied existence (political correctness,
itself a contributor to decline), but these two are particularly
emblematic of our culture's decline because their loss has
been accompanied by diminished shared values around healthy social behavior. Separateness
and difference are facts of life, but societal fragmentation increases when they
are emphasized and fostered to the exclusion of unifying elements. When I was
young both shock and shame were social tonics that we all more of less shared,
ensuring a more cohesive society and generally better and more respectful behavior.
"Do not be proud
of the fact that your grandmother was shocked at something which you are
accustomed to seeing or hearing without being shocked.... It may be that your
grandmother was an extremely lively and vital animal, and that you are a
paralytic."
G.K. Chesterton said
(in As I Was Saying):
We seem to have lost the ability to be shocked (offended by
something), perhaps as the ancient Romans also were by the continual assault on
their senses of the ever-increasing brutality of the games. In this era of
everything goes if it feels good, we are reduced to insensate reactions. Shock
is troubling for many because it implies standards, anathema to those who allege
there is no truth, and nothing may be judged in any way, one opinion or
view being just as good as another (some challenge in getting Hitlerian or
Stalinist actions incorporated into this scheme).
The loss of standards of civil behavior is just one example or our
decline led by the absence of shock, but the loss could easily apply to art,
TV, literature, or different cultures. Misogynist and homo-phobic rap lyrics offend
few. Women-demeaning violent video games (think early versions of Grand Theft
Auto) got little attention. What passes for attire in young girls, at huge odds
with the idea of women not being sex objects, receives virtually no comment.
Politicians’ sexual misbehavior gets a passing glance. TV shows in which people
reach sadly for their 15 minutes by debasing themselves are found humorous.
Athletes’ drug use and denials have become ho-hum. Children having melt-downs is
seen as part of how children grow up, a natural occurrence. Very poor
educational outcomes upsets few. No shock, just standard societal operating
procedure.
In addition to having lost the ability to be shocked, many are
cowed by the current trends and agree (or pretend) that people can do anything
so long as it feels good to them. When no standards exist other than your own
needs and wants, it is clear that shock is an outdated issue.
The other great S word we have lost is shame, embodying emotional
distress because of a failure to live up
to accepted standards. Growing up I encountered both shame and embarrassment,
and these exerted a significant force that usually (but not always) kept people
in a more socially acceptable behavior pattern. Certain things, as the Brits
are wont to say, are simply not done. If any such thing were done, it
was costly---pointed out and critiqued in no uncertain terms, often causing considerable
personal discomfort, also known as embarrassment, anathema to the no-truth crowd.
People did not hesitate to express shock at improper behavior, intended to
produce a sense of shame. A very effective social remedy for unpleasant actions
indeed. However, as this social remedy has disappeared, our society has
not-so-gradually descended into a form of social anarchy driven by my (and
your) needs. Regarding this latter there is one simple rule---where your needs
conflict with mine, yours lose hands down.
In my dreams I hypothesize that the loss of these two great words,
and the behavioral philosophy they underpin, arose with Love Story,
a book of such gargantuan awfulness that words fail. Or, as a prescient friend
once said of it, possibly the worst book in the history of the
universe. Most of you will recall the emotionally troubled and sadly
immortal line, "Love means never having to say you are sorry."
And from this it is but one small step to the reptilian sensibility that you
don't have to say you're sorry for anything. In fact, in the world of “whatever
I want is good,” if someone else has a problem with my behavior, it’s tough
luck for them. Simply---I get to do whatever I want and I am never, ever to be
held accountable. You are not to be shocked nor am I to experience shame.
As shock and shame have lost social force, so has humility, a
trait now practically de rigueur to disavow. Conformance to social standards
can be extreme, as has been the case in some Asian countries. But once we have
passed a certain point in undermining such conformance we will pay the price.
In addition to the breakdown in cohesion and the increase in disrespectful behavior
at all levels, we have seen the growth of humility’s opposite---narcissism,
which revels under the no-shock, no-shame view. Being entirely “me” focused, it
carries separatism and uncivil behavior to the nth degree.
