This post is an excerpt from my upcoming book
on Living Well
“I have no biases”
is a statement we often make with complete confidence and certainty, and not a
little moral superiority. I told myself this story for years. Many of my good
friends do so to this day, not at all aware of how biased we are.
There is great
emotional satisfaction in saying and feeling one is unbiased. Besides the sense
of being morally upright, it strongly implies being non-judgmental and respectful
of all, a nice boost to our fragile egos. True enough if one does in fact
happen to be unbiased, but I have never known such a person. In fact, while I
have done a lot of hard work on myself, I still maintain many biases, perhaps
hundreds, as I think we all do.
The problem is not necessarily
having biases, for obviously there are many of no consequence. I prefer the
color blue to red, classical music of the Romantic Period to today’s pop, sunny
days to cloudy ones, trousers with pleats to those without them, and
impressionist to abstract art. That I hold these biases may be irritating to
some, but they are clearly inconsequential.
Yet there are ones
which are indeed consequential, or at least potentially so. For example, I am
biased for Asians’ work ethic, and biased against people whose work ethic is
questionable. For good drivers and against poor ones. For people who are
resilient and against people who are complainers. For doers and against takers.
For strivers and against slackers. For those with open minds and against those
with closed minds. And the list goes on.
Some may be
disturbed because these examples smack of partiality, favoritism and
judgmentalism. The horror may be especially pronounced since I am asserting that
it is not just me who has such biases, but that we all have them. Yet the issue
is more subtle than a simple and very easy condemnation of what I am
expressing. Pretending we have no judgmental biases means we are living in a world
of our own creation that does not exist.
Comforting as that may be, the cost is hypocrisy.
One can profess
heatedly that one has no such biases, and yet do considerable harm from the
falseness of the story. I know a goodly number of people who assert that they
do not have any “biases against” anyone or group, that they are tolerant. As it
turns out, this view has a unique meaning. It says they are biased for, and
treat very respectfully and favorably, folks with whom they agree or whom they like.
But they often actively demean and denigrate the very people for whom they
should have tolerance: those with whom they most strongly disagree (and are
biased against), especially those of the other political party. The story that
we are unbiased must be maintained because admitting we are not runs the huge risk
of undermining the very carefully crafted positive image we have of our moral
superiority. We will have to face our hypocrisy head-on, and that cannot happen.
My consequential
biases do look awful. But their existence says nothing about how I actually behave
toward people. Certainly if I am not careful I could easily allow my
preferences for and against to influence my behavior---for example, playing
favorites with those I am biased for and treating badly those I am biased
against. But controlling our behavior under challenging conditions is exactly
what much of Living Well is all about. As a college teacher, I have felt minor
bias against certain students because of how they dressed or the tattoos they
sported. Nonetheless, I did not allow that sense to push me into treating them
in any way disrespectfully or unfairly.
People may think
that we should not have certain biases, but that is yet another defiance of
reality. Humans are not perfect. In the end it is not whether we have biases,
but whether we act out biases against others in a way that negatively
characterizes and demeans them. Or, if we act out biases for others that expresses
inappropriate favoritism. Living Wells asks that we accept all human beings as deserving
of respect, which is impossible if we condemn them or play favorites. Having
biases for and against is normal, but we must be very careful what we do with
them. If the well-being of others is part of our life, then respect must be
evident for all. Treating others respectfully demands that we acknowledge our
biases and act firmly to ensure those do not harm anyone, especially those we disagree
with, or who we actively dislike.
Denying the reality
of biases means we fight against reality and our own psyches, using up large
amounts of emotional energy trying to maintain a fiction (I am absolutely
unbiased!). We spread our inner struggle and upset those around us, loudly
proclaiming our righteousness in the midst of our hypocrisy.
When we believe absolutely
what we think, particularly about ourselves, we have likely closed our minds to
openness and critical thought. Others can see we are living a delusion, but we
cannot. We believe we are open, objective, and tolerant when the truth is a
very different story. Living Well is impossible under such conditions.
