Humility and The Tao Te Ching

A humble person has a realistic view of herself and her abilities, and has developed healthy self-esteem through taking knocks and getting back up again. She is not a doormat and not lacking in confidence or in competence, often erroneously ascribed to humble people. Even knowing her abilities, she is unwilling to push herself forward, to brag, or to take credit not due her, as those less grounded might do. Her quiet confidence and sensitivity permit her to see to the wellbeing of others, often by creating emotional safety for them, even in the midst of conflict. Whatever is happening around her, she is essentially unfazed, being grounded by a realistic sense of self. Unfortunately, her kind are rare today, and becoming rarer.

Society today can hardly be characterized as emphasizing humility, the mere idea of which is distasteful to many. If anything, it is the opposite, with narcissistic tendencies and behavior on the rise. Lacking humility, we exaggerate our own importance, separating ourselves from others. We take ourselves far too seriously, leading to an excessive focus on ourselves. Civility and respect are casualties.

What might account for this paucity of humility? Part seems due to people being told from childhood that they are totally special, part to the decades-old enthusiasm for encouraging people to act out their feelings no matter the impact on others, and part to the fact that American (and Western) society is in disarray generally, with traditional support mechanisms in decline or absent. These factors conspire insidiously to undermine faith in the personal and societal benefits of humility, founded on a true sense of self-worth and respect for others.

As uncertainty increases, people are pushed on an endless search for emotional safety. But lacking as it does appropriate limits, reasonable expectations of personal behavior and responsibility, and proper interpersonal boundaries, people are emotionally adrift, insecure and fearful. Desperate for something that will give them a touchstone, a solid foundation in today’s continuous fluidity, many “look for love in all the wrong places.” They may find a temporary, if unsuccessful, refuge in things like social media/internet escapism, narcissistic self-centeredness, or in being absolutely certain of something, almost anything, from a political ideology to their own specialness, false gods all.

How can the ancient wisdom of the Tao Te Ching instruct us?

He who stands on tiptoe

doesn’t stand firm.

He who rushes ahead

doesn’t go far.

He who tries to shine

dims his own light.

He who defines himself

can’t know who he really is.

He who has power over others

can’t empower himself.

He who clings to his work

will create nothing that endures.

If you want to accord with the Tao,

just do your job, then let go.

From Tao Te Ching, #24

Stephen Mitchell

The first long stanza emphasizes the futility of clutching and grasping at things we imagine will get us what we want, not realizing that our efforts are likely to produce the opposite. The last two lines express a related theme common in Buddhism generally, as well as in Zen and Taoism---letting go, avoiding or dismantling attachments to ideas, outcomes, oneself. Attachments are the fusing of anything with a large emotional force, keeping us from making helpful judgments or taking beneficial actions, particularly towards others. Attachments can express great personal neediness, increasing today as stresses multiply and stability mechanisms fall into disrepair or disappear entirely. The more uncertain everyday life becomes, the more people unconsciously resort to clutching and grasping, hoping for support in the midst of personal turmoil. As these efforts are bound to fail, many redouble their efforts, creating a vicious downward cycle.

Loss of humility, and its correlate loss of concern for others, are simultaneously an outcome of societal uncertainty and the lack of healthy support mechanisms, and a cause of further disorientation. There is no stopping this trend unless those of us professing a moral grounding for our lives and for our interactions with others, even those we do not like or strenuously disagree with, model humility every day. That naturally requires a highly evolved and fearless knowledge of ourselves producing a solid emotional grounding, an issue I dealt with a bit in the last post on “knowing yourself.”