Anti-fragile

The concept of fragility and anti-fragility is useful for looking candidly at ourselves and our relationships with others, and thereby at least indirectly enhancing deep happiness. In the prior two posts I introduced the framework and showed fragility’s connection to us at the personal level. In this one I want to talk more about anti-fragility and why it is beneficial for us to understand and acquire, and how we might do so. But, first, let me review emotional fragility a bit. 

The fragile person has an excessive investment of focus, energy and emotion in a particular desired state, one that MUST happen. This needful state could involve a job, idea, person, car, or vacation. Or it could be the “fulfillment” of a deep personal need, such as to be right or to be certain. Or it could be really simple---irritation at the computer not working or needing to overwhelm someone who disagrees with us. These fragile states pop in and out constantly through the day, temporarily knocking us off balance, and causing suffering for us and those around us.  

Anti-fragility does not mean being unaffected by challenges, disruptions, and disappointments. The world often intrudes in ways that upset us, and we cannot plan for these or avoid them. These intrusions can cause fear, anger, anxiety, uncertainty and a host of other emotions, normal reactions to unanticipated or undesirable events or other people’s behavior. The difference between a fragile person and an anti-fragile one is the reaction to the stressor.  

Anti-fragility is also not necessarily about being robust, which Taleb, the author of Anti-fragile, says is being impervious to injury. A ceramic cup is fragile to rough handling and very fragile to falling on concrete. A steel cup is not at all fragile to the same concrete; it is robust.  For humans, a bit of robustness is not a bad thing unless it gets in the way of being anti-fragile, as it would with an excessive desire to “armor-up” to protect us from experiencing stressors. Such an effort actually causes greater fragility. Healthy robustness and anti-fragility arise as we learn (grow) how to take hits without being knocked off balance.  

A key aspect to developing anti-fragility is accepting stressors as information that encourages us to see things differently. Each disappointment, set-back, or interaction with a disagreeable person is a chance to practice our new understanding of how stressors impact us, and how we can better respond to them. Each is a chance to grow, to achieve equanimity and inner harmony, the “rewards” for understanding our fragility and acting to reduce that every day. And, I cannot over-emphasize the need for continued practice, forever.  

What are some characteristics that we could adopt that will help becoming more anti-fragile? The most important is self awareness---“… having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions.” (ref:pathwaytohappiness.com) Without self awareness, there is almost no possibility of becoming a truly emotionally healthy person. More self awareness equals more anti-fragility. 

Curiosity is also vital because without it we will not examine our behavior and its adverse outcomes. Taleb says that curiosity is anti-fragile because through it we come to know and understand more about ourselves and the world. As we inquire, we become reservoirs of options that we may need in case of a stressor, which can often be as simple as someone disagreeing with us on whether Ayn Rand’s philosophy has any merit to it. Simply, the more options we have in dealing with a stressor, the more likely we are to respond healthily to it. As George Leonard said in his superb book, The Way of Aikido, “…the health of an individual…is generally directly proportionate to the number of perceived options at (his) command.” Options are anti-fragile. 

A very simple example regarding options and their benefit: imagine another car cuts me off, and I get angry, in the past my usual emotional default when things don’t go right. I have no options, and am clearly fragile to the situation. I am off balance. But what happens if I have options, such as intellectually analyzing (without judgment) what the driver did, extending compassion to that person, or ignoring the whole thing? Clearly my path to greater anti-fragility is enhanced by having these options. 

Fearlessness is clearly a vital ingredient in developing anti-fragility. Lacking it, any curiosity and self-awareness will be short-circuited. Fear may be the largest and most serious hurdle that we have to overcome in the search for greater emotional health, for greater anti-fragility. 

As I have noted in other posts, the BIG problem with acquiring the anti-fragile characteristics (or others related to changes in behavior) is that we are legends in our own minds, having constructed positive, and often false, stories about who we are and how we interact with others. I know any number of folks who are sure they are self aware, when their actions clearly indicate the opposite. And the same is true of being curious and fearless. Thus, while many might agree that the characteristics I describe are helpful, such folks are unlikely to make much progress in developing them. The blindness or denial costs them---there is no free lunch in trying to make ourselves what we are not. Being fragile has a price. As George Friedman says in his fine book, Flashpoints, “There is always a price, and nothing is more dangerous than not knowing what the price is, except perhaps not wanting to know.” 

Creating more anti-fragility is wise for at least two reasons. One of those, the possibility of growing from stressors and uncertainty, I have already mentioned. The other is that anti-fragility reduces our inappropriate emotional or dependence on things, including ideas, people and events, and thus assists us in living a more harmonious life.